The night before

The bravado kicks in

Uh oh here we go

Hold that stance baby

For as long as you can

The slipping away

The sense of self

The confidence rising

You’re soaring

Until you’re not

Everything turns to gold

And you wanna touch it

Everything!

Touch Touch Touch

Nothing’s off limits

You broke it

Silly girl

You just can’t help it can you

Go ahead and try

dig your heels in

Deeper

It don’t matter

 

Slam your cards down on the table

HaHa!

Panic later

 

The falling isn’t easy

Don’t wanna get up

This time

Can’t

Stare in meditation

Until you feel nothing

The faded memories

Try to remember

Try to forget

All the wrong turns

Swallow

That are cringe worthy

Swallow it down

The whys and what fors

Swallow it whole

The harping and harping

and harping and harping

The puking it up

No one needs to see you

No one wants to hear it, hon

Nihilistic Nightmare

I’m at my best around misfits

But even they are skeptical 

Of my intentions

Stop and ask myself often sometimes

You still with it

You still in the game

You ready to call it quits yet?
It comes in waves

Sometimes it swallows me whole

Sometimes it doesn’t 

Sometimes I can save myself

Sometimes not

Charcoal lines slash

This way and that
What’s the point anyway

You’re given a life you never asked for

You toil away endlessly 

Damn right hedonistically 

You never said no pigs..

Sorry 
If you’re lucky

You find someone to commiserate 

To bide your time with 

Endure til you die with

There is no profound meaning

Nothing more to philosophize about

So stop already

Am I missing anything?
I feel the downward spiral

The slipping away

The closing in

The darkness

The repeating

The forgetting

The stuttering 

The long blank stares 

The guilt
Unfinished business
I had a dream and you were in it

I dreamt you were someone you’re not

In the dream we fit but real life 

Says we don’t..
You think you’re so free

I’m the one with no worry

What are you so free from?
I can’t write music if you’re sitting on my dick

And I can’t write poetry when you’re on my nuts
Glimpses
Bring the sad sap in

I’m not and never will be

rearing

I can be a narcissistic dick

If I wanna

The Devil’s Courthouse

The devil’s lips

Curled up in a snarl

Baring teeth at me

In his court 

Balancing hind legged 

on black hooves

Gesticulating..

Laughing. 

At me,

Me!

How fitting.

Will I ever stop hiding

Can I?

I put myself out there and I..

I start down low

The loneliness

Slowly rising until I’m choking

Gasping, grasping

at anything within reach..

Clawing my way back

To that. 

To the thing before

Before this got weird. 

Eyes averted

Eyes wide 

and before you know it

They’re gone

Running

Have you been limiting yourself?

Don’t do that.

Why do you demand

That people see you all the time?!

Stop punishing everyone 

For it 

For trying

Don’t mouth off and then contemplate.

Blah badday blah blah blah

​Sad eyes

Dark eyes

Shadows dance between 

Right and left ventricle

All I want to do is sleep

See everything but

Can’t focus on anything

Brain reeling

It’s heavy

Feeling hands and arms bracing

For what comes next

Dizzyness

Vertigo

Thousand yard stares

I stumble and

Blah badday blah blah blah

Serotonin not transmitting

Not regulating impulses

I guess…

Your love story put on hold

I belonged to him

Before you were even thought of

Draw myself a getaway scene and jump in

Shapeshifter

Trees bend sideways

Clouds wander and wisp

Over the blue ridge

I see you watch from that window up there

And also, maybe I don’t

Maybe you wonder too

If you were meant for this world

Footprints in dust don’t lie

You were here

Now you’re not

 

Over a billion years old or more

These rocks

I feel the vibrations

Even at a low frequency

Bend down, hands down

It’s warm

I sink into this thing

Fossilize

Into this ocean of energy

I wasn’t meant for this world anyway

 

Eagles dare

Larks dove and curtail

Go easy on me, me

You’re just not

Never were

Never did see that back alley

Should’ve sacrificed me to the gods

When you had the chance

The opportunity is gone now

If you don’t regret it

You should

I wasn’t meant for this world anyway

 

I saw the white figure that night

and I know it was you

Shapeshifter

Go easy

What are you trying to say

Shapeshifter

Is it a sign that I’m not?

You’re supposed to just swim to the bottom

Touch the floor and come up

Not hang suspended without air

But when you’re not..

 

Euphoria bears down

Fists clenched

Is this how it’s gonna be..

White light

Bright light

In your peripheral

Plastered smile

Cracking, jagged teeth

Ready to buckle with the pressure

May break off if I bite too hard

Walking around in one shoe all night

Quick succession of swallows

And I

Like a wounded warrior

I’d sell my soul for that if I had to

Oh wait I already have

And still

 

Burning embers in my belly

Dancing and glowing

In the pit of my stomach

Choke up ash the next day or tomorrow

And draw a lifeline

I did this and that

And what did it matter 

I wasn’t meant for this world anyway

Dump Trump

You 

Must be dying inside

Must know better

I’d rather

Live under a bridge and die

Myself! 

Alone..

Broke and alone

Than pledge allegiance to 

You

Or hold your hand 

Or touch 

You

With a ten foot pole

(Even to poke at you a little

To see if you’re still alive

To see if your heart’s still beating)

Or look at 

You

Or even pretend I know 

You

Feigning a smile

For those who care

(No one)

Cause they all think 

You 

are a slut anyway

Grin and bear it

Snarl and bear it

But we already know

You

Not sure what’s more sad

You 

must be desperate

I’m sorry, not sorry

Catatonia

When you call me up I’ll be ready

Snap to attention

Don’t expect a trumpet

Or a french horn

Not a clap

From the gallery

But there wouldn’t be one of those

Anyway, 

Who do you think you are?

And anyways, would you wanna?

You danced across the room

And it startled me

Catatonic 

I’m in that awkward state I told you about

Hyper sensitive, self conscious 

Afraid to move

I nod in your direction

And through clenched teeth..

“I’m with him”

The silence speaks volumes

I’ve been energetically put in my place

Not by you but her

Eyes wide

Wider than I’ve ever seen

And black. 

I like it

I appreciate you

Let’s jump

So many moments

It’s out. It’s finally out.

You took it in

I brace myself

My work is done here

But really I kinda 

Expected more from you

A Conundrum

 
A dun Un drum

Dum Dum

An old crone once told me

Tried to advise me

I shrugged whatever

At her feminine wisdom

I’m listening now 

Tuck duck and roll

Give the ol three finger salute

Step left and disappear

You’ll still be hanging onto my coat tails

I betcha

Camacamacamachameleon

You little shit

You goddamned parasite

This..this non mutual symbiosis

Are you trying to kill me?

You!

If I spun out of control

and pointed right,

Would you too?

Don’t you know

You’ve gotta pay your dues first?

Stream of

You’re a bush riding a 4×4

2×4’s block our view.

Can’t wait til we finish.

Rarely finish.

Explosion of blood on white fleece and I

Make a run for the border, honey.

Dogs go nuts. Lick it up. 

Fall down the stairs

Watch the rhinos play. 

Disappear into the mud. 

What a happy scene

I love stream of consciousness poetry

Well I don’t.

Broken rib. 

Hope it don’t penetrate 

anything crucial to life

Numb forehead numb arms numb legs

Imma gonna inject it into your spine and 

you won’t feel a thing

Have another mimosa and pray

For a miracle that might not come

La la la la laaaa

Buddhism is a way of life

Yoga’s good 

I come from white trash you’re white trash too

Spirituality is uhhhh

Let’s just get thru this

The death the dying the decay

The hum

Maybe that’s why I can be so calm

No one owes me anything anyway

Fall on your face 

too many times

You know your place

Inactivity and self indulgence

You led me here

Less lesser lower

You’re not even fringe

More hum drum banal

Carroll avenue penitentiary

Insane asylum maybe?

Too eager

A procrastinator

You’re outta my league

Interpretations too simple I see

Try harder dig deeper

Todays lessons

Don’t let the shadow fall too hard

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