Winter

dramatic table meetings

and no more free rides?

ha! how i love these shows.

everything is precise

regimented, orderly.

everything has to be “just so”

for now at least.

let me see you

wiggle your butt

and saunter over

and eye me

and look me up and down

really throw your head back

from side to side

i’ll cuddle with you

if you cuddle with me

staring at nothing

until the world is a blurry place

get scared at night 

when it’s not black but grey

the tv glows and throws shadows

even when it’s off

on a figure standing over me

a macabre scene

i figure as my demise

but then i wake up just before dawn

and it all starts all over again.

Once upon my dream

twinkle twinkle little star 

maybe they do and maybe they don’t

if you focus

if you look hard.

ufo, airplane or falling star

to make a wish on.

either way

it looks as if it’s moving

circling, rotating, darting.

a sigh.

an anxious foot tapping.

a glance around that results 

in exasperation and an

“i’m going in.”

a way of avoiding the feeling of..

nothing.

usefulness?

uselessness.

more caught up in

than previously thought..

the idea that

who you are (or aren’t) 

doesn’t depend on

what you do or 

what you don’t. 

do. 

what your credentials are.

necessarily.

it is okay.

no one is keeping track.

(i’ve been told more than once lately)

“it’s okay to do nothing!”

you can go a lifetime

(and people do)

without knowing or

trying to find a way to live

and not work

and you do.

you have..

(a way that is..)

of not working.

the freedom to make mistakes.

to trial and error.

to create and to destroy

and to embrace and to enjoy it.

it’s a wonder and an awe

how you got here

from where you came from!

a good family and upbringing..

the story of a teenage girl 

that went wrong and wrong

and wrong again.

and it worked out.

love and an eventual end

were discovered.

American dream

wondering why and wondering 

what’s up 

with the negativity

the leaving?

cause 

this isn’t the center of the universe..

the city that is..

and it never will be

thankfully 

or at least..i hope not
the sky doesn’t fall when you leave

and the city

it isnt everything

and status isn’t necessarily 

everything either

..or anything.

for that matter..
i think it’s just your mind..

muddled by the chemicals, car exhaust and pollution,

the bad diets and brainwashing..

among other things.
just because you do what you’re told

and maybe you have some success

doesn’t mean anyone’s gonna know your name

or care about what you do 

or what you occupy your time with

unless of course it’s a new device

or mechanism you’ve invented

that somehow drowns out the crying 

of your children

or significant other’s bitching..
today, yesterday, tomorrow..everyday..anyday..
so what if you make a little money..

have a family, have a kid..?

a nice house or apartment and some furniture

and then what?

sometimes you can go an entire lifetime without knowing

or having

still lacking..

going without..

finding..or trying to get..

latching onto a piece of..

the “american dream”

and once you grab it…

it’s like you’re chasing fireflies 

or watching your kids 

with nets and jars at night

and the sight takes you back to a time 

when you still had a choice 
but over and over and over again..

you keep coming back to this..

this life that you’ve made 

that isn’t necessarily stagnant.. but it is 

and even tho it seems like 

after all you’ve accomplished..there should be an end…

an end that ends in..happiness..?
there isn’t.
and you think again and again and again

and there still..isn’t..

and you’re still unhappy

and you’ll continue to be..

forever..and ever…and ever…..and ever

and over and over and over and over

again..

Sigh

technology will save us!

This is what a lot of people think.

or don’t.

cause they don’t think at all.

the latter is probably the most typical.

the world is fucked!

a bloody revolution is all that is left!

obama is no different than bush

or any of the rest of them!

just another damn dirty politician.

living in a mansion, 

eating 3 square meals a day,

closets full of designer clothes.

but i’ll admit that for a split second,

i myself, gave him the benefit

of the doubt.

what a joke that turned out to be.

people seem angrier, more agitated.

killing or beating the shit out of each other..

that goes for anyone

you don’t necessarily see eye to eye with.

unsettling when i consider

the date and the year we live in

and shudder that i’ve recently heard

that in louisiana an interracial couple

was denied a marriage license

even though our president himself

is “african american”

and a 30 something year old man

on reality teevee

claims he refuses to accept 

that a girl is faster or better than him

cause…you know..

it’s true that girls are slow 

and they throw and run funny

and they’re not as smart and they make less money.

it’s funny and i laugh out loud

when i hear grown men talk like that.

don’t you pussies know by now

how blatantly..how obviously you are covering up

for your lack of power, control, self-esteem and penis?

and trust me..i am no where near PC.

i was a women’s studies minor 

and i think most women in general..

even those who claim to be feminists..

are pretty damn disappointing these days.

let’s all stop acting like children,

or uncivilized or uneducated 

or like we are competing for something

because there isn’t anything to win..

or like the world owes us all something

for some reason cause poor, poor you

time to get over your parents taking your car away 

or grounding you when you were 8.

get over it.

there are kids living on the streets..

18 years old..who have been fending

and surviving on their own since they were 12

and have better morals and ethics than 

most of you.

disgusting. fucking sad what this world has come to

if you take a minute

to get your head out,

if it isn’t already stuck up your own ass,

i bet it’s up someone else’s

and hopefully we can do something 

about the situation we’re all in.

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